why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think people are normalizing furries
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
