If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
