Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
