I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
