i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
