I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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