yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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