So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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