Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
