Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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