dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
