i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
