She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
