I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
