Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
