You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just pee around me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
