the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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