did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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