Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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