he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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