I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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