): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
