Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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