Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
