I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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