new low.... made out with someone while peeing
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
