i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
