i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
