did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
