One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
