I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
