A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Of course I have a pirate flag
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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