I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
