If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
