Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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