i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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