a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
