at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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