i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she told me i tasted like america
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
