I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
