My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
