I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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