So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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