Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
