I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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