My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
