If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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