I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
