Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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