i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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