And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
