ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
