Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
