Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
