I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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