I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you win again, gameday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
