so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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