My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
