I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
