are you so shy because you have an std?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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