try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
