Already got asked if we're dating
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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