sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
