You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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