we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
