fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
