We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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