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• (419): View more from Ohio

  just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked

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• (305): View more from Florida

  my head looks like a cockatoo

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

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• (310): View more from California

  please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

  (1-310): View more from California

  negative

  (310): View more from California

  come find me please

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down

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• (661): View more from California

  i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  They took my balls.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Security deposit gone.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  burned down garage with fireworks.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'

  (614): View more from Ohio

  omg so drunk

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• (716): View more from New York

  It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me

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• (509): View more from Washington

  There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day

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