if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're a waste of cheezeits
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
