I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
