wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
