Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
