I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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