Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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