dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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