My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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