So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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