mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
