Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
